One

The days grow colder now
The wind more brusk
Biting
My life feels colder now
Less apt toward warmth
No more small, sweet, child bodies to warm me
To suckle at my breast
To give me purpose
A place
Usefulness
Bellies to fill
Wounds to soothe
Tears to dry
Laughter to hear
The prime of my life has come
…And gone
The mirror reflects an old woman now
She doesn’t like to see herself
She feels useless now
Yet, Lord…
You tell me I belong
That I’m part of Your Body
That I have purpose
That we are One
I don’t see it…
I feel more like my aching back
Or the foot that complains
When I try to run
That my usefulness and value have past
That I can no longer find love
… here
… on earth
That I have nothing to give
No gift to bring to…
YOU – the baby in the manger
Asleep in a feeding trough
Full of hay and cow saliva
Mama-Mary must have felt helpless, too.
The way I do, now
The way I did as a mom
With little to give my own babes
Living in a house
With rats infesting the garage
And mold infesting the laundry room
A leaky roof
A Rotting porch…
Struggling for enough for us
Oh Lord, I’m so sorry!
STOP! IT IS ENOUGH!
The Manger with the hay and cow spittle WAS ENOUGH
Enough for a King
Enough for Me, My child
She… MARY… MY MOTHER, wanted to give more
She never felt she was enough
She never felt adequate
Or up to the task!
Like you, she wanted to give me a kingdom
A roof that didn’t leak
A bed
A blanket
Ample food
Safety from those who would kill me
Like you, she wanted me to have the best
The best clothes
The best home
The best education
A wife
Children
Love
But she KNEW…
She knew her Father
She knew My Father
MY Father gave me
A bed in a barn
With hay for a mattress
Bugs and spittle to sleep with
Rags for blankets
Sun, Rain, Stars and the heavens for a roof
In a nation whose king
Sent hunters to kill me
And He gave me a Mother…
I was an exile
And I grew
I grew and flourished on
My mother’s milk
My mother’s love
My mother’s affection
My mother’s teaching
My m other’s protection
My mother’s attentiveness
My mother’s Faith
Daughter… You have done your best
Your absolute best!
I’ve seen you struggle
To meet MY needs…
For when I was a baby
You fed me
You loved me
You showed me affection
You taught me
You protected me
You were attentive to me
You had faith
This is all I’ve ever asked of you
And I know – it was the world to you
It was all of your life
All you had to give
As Mary gave, so did you
As a Man, I chose my path:
To study God’s Word
To seek the Father – deeply
To teach, to learn, to pray, to fast, to lead
To heal
To fight for God’s Kingdom
I chose a crown of thorns
To match the trough
And the sky roof
And the bugs and spittle in my bed
BECAUSE, my kingdom is not here.
Mary’s kingdom is not here.
Your kingdom is not here.
You are loved, my daughter
Beyond anything you can comprehend
We are ONE
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